Quiz: The Fictional History (and Future) of London
A counterfactual timeline.
Imagine if all films and novels were real; that every silly movie was really a documentary, and that every written tale was drawn from fact. That’s the conceit for today’s newsletter — a last bit of silliness before the New Year starts in earnest.
Below, I’ve presented an alternative timeline of London’s history, but populated with 20 events from works of fiction. All you have to do is work out the source in each case.
(For any newcomers to this newsletter… we’re not always this frivolous… but it’s still just about the holiday season, and I’m having a bit of a rest! 🍷)
📣 Quick notes to say that our friends at London Historians have a special membership offer for the new year. You can currently get annual membership for just £29, and save a tenner. I’ve been a regular since day one, and can thoroughly recommend the organisation, which puts on site visits, talks, pub meetups, walks and more. Sign up now, and you’ll even get 15 months instead of 12.
Quiz: The Fictional History (and Future) of London
All you have to do is name the film or novel for each event in this fictional timeline. Note: The dates refer to when the story is set (where known), rather than when it was written or filmed.
1392: Around 30 loquacious pilgrims set out from the Tabard Inn on Borough High Street, to make their foul-mouthed way to Kent.
1893: An East European gentleman moves into a dusty house on Piccadilly, along with nine great boxes.
1903: The south-east of England is pummelled by meteorites. Out of them emerge sinister tripods, hell-bent on destroying Surrey and London.
1910: A freak gust of wind scatters a queue of job applicants in a north London suburb. One late-comer, who eventually gets the job, gently descends from the south beneath an umbrella.
1922: A brontosaurus skeleton and three renegade nannies are chased through the streets of London.
1947: A bomb detonates in Miramont Gardens, Pimlico, revealing a cache of medieval goods. Among the treasures is a Royal Charter that cedes part of Pimlico to Burgundy.
1950: An unassuming bank clerk pulls off a daring bullion heist among the ruins of post-war London.
1956: An abnormally large pack of spotty canines causes havoc on the edge of Regent’s Park.
1958: An ursine immigrant from South America arrives at a London terminus, all alone but for a marmalade sandwich.
1982: Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II agrees to provide military support to a visiting giant.
1984: In the Ministry of Love, Winston Smith is given a vision of the future: a boot stamping on a human face, forever.
2000: The Docklands Light Railway is (improbably) extended west to Trafalgar Square. The tunnelling disturbs a group of fire-breathing dragons, which has serious project management implications (and threatens the survival of the human race).
2004: London is overrun by zombies. Two slackers wait it out in their favourite pub.
2009: A group of elemental manifestations destroy the Millennium Bridge and cause mayhem around the city.
2016: A terrorist attack outside St Paul's Cathedral kills five world leaders. President of the United States Benjamin Asher narrowly escapes the carnage.
2016: The entire city of Dubai is dropped on top of London by mischievous aliens.
2032: An underground train packed with explosives is detonated in Westminster, destroying the Houses of Parliament.
2145: London has been destroyed so many times that it’s now little more than a lagoon. A scientific survey team under the leadership of Colonel Riggs visits the once proud city to catalogue the flora and fauna.
~4000 (or 523 AD; After Dave): On the island once known as Hampstead, a religion has grown up around the teachings of Dave Rudman, a London cab driver who’d buried his mysoginistic rantings 2,000 years earlier.
~804,596: Richmond, wider London and indeed the whole world appear to have reverted to green wilderness. Humanity has split into at least two sub-species known as the Eloi and the Morlocks.
Answers
1392: The Canterbury Tales, by Geoffrey Chaucer.
1893: Dracula, by Bram Stoker
1903: War of the Worlds, by HG Wells
1910: Mary Poppins (movie version)
1922: One of Our Dinosaurs is Missing (movie). Filmed in the 1970s, I spotted a delightful anachronism in this movie. Look out for the Barbican towers on the skyline, which were still a half-century in the future during the film’s 1920s setting.
1947: Passport to Pimlico (movie)
1950: The Lavender Hill Mob (movie)
1956: The Hundred and One Dalmatians, by Dodie Smith
1958: A Bear Called Paddington, by Michael Bond (the movie would be in or around 2014)
1982: The BFG, by Roald Dahl
1984: 1984, by George Orwell
2000: Reign of Fire (movie)
2004: Shaun of the Dead (movie)
2009: Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince (movie version)
2016: London Has Fallen (movie)
2016: Independence Day 2 (movie)
2032: V for Vendetta (movie version)
2145: The Drowned World, by JG Ballard
4000: The Book of Dave, by Will Self
804,596: The Time Machine, by HG Wells
I’ve made something of a hobby of drawing ‘facts’ from fiction. If you enjoyed this post, check out my books Atlas of Imagined Places and Atlas of Imagined Cities, which map and chronicle the events of thousands of movies, novels, video games, radio shows, plays and other works of fiction.
Thanks for reading. As ever, feel free to leave a comment below, or email me any time on matt@londonist.com.
This was so much fun, although I don't know any of the movies 😄 Thanks
Yum yum!